Modeling Change
Joe lives on a nice street in a relatively safe neighborhood, but he has a concern about the way people leave their lawn chairs and toys and other belongings around the yards and sidewalks when they aren't using them. He has seen this type of behavior in other areas and the lack of concern for appearance seems to match the progress of neighborhood decay. He is worried that it is an early sign of a downhill trend.
Pete shares Joe's concerns. He gets very angry when they discuss it. He can not afford to move and he fears neighborhood decay.
Joe and Pete both approve of Betty. She is considered a quiet woman, but seems neat in her habits - her yard is always picked up. When asked, she simply says she respects her responsibility to her neighbors and her space.
Joe tries to make the others on the street see the problem by setting an example. He has neat locations for his garbage receptacles, his outdoor chairs and the few tools he uses in his tiny garden. He always puts things away when he is done and sweeps the sidewalk in front of his house regularly. He is trying to show the neighbors by example how doable it is to maintain a standard of appearance. He does this often.
Pete is more outgoing. He exhorts neighbors to pick up when done. He will take toys from the sidewalk and place them in the yards of the owners. When he joins conversations around the neighborhood, the talk will almost certainly gravitate back to that of neighborhood decay. He feels he is leading the fight against it.
People like Joe, but they think he worries too much. They notice his concern by things like the almost compulsive way he dramatically picks up his chair and puts it away as soon as he stands up. Nonverbals say loudly for him what he refrains from sharing outright. He seems to think they must take responsibility for calming his anxieties.
Pete stirs up fear and anxiety in his wake. People interpret his behavior as aggression, his efforts to clean up another's property as controlling and intrusive. Resentment is a common emotion expressed when people talk about Pete: the feeling is that he is intent on organizing the world according to his beliefs without caring about theirs.
The locals like Betty. Even the sloppiest amongst them like the appearance of her yard. She is referred to as "a nice, neat lady" and "quiet but friendly." People see what she does and they associate it with the attitudes induced by her nonthreatening manners. She seems to be calmly happy with the way the world is, a trait many would like to share.
Betty walks the talk rather than preaching it. She believes in her way, but she understands that others have different priorities and beliefs. Her mannerisms and action proclaim her serenity.
People may resist change when it is thrust at them, but they may also seek it when they perceive rewards.
As with Joe's subtle cues or Pete's overt intrusion, anxiety can be felt when change seems to be forced on someone. If I feel there is a message I want another to hear, I may close his ears by needing him to hear it. If the message is so important, it may be best for me to model it. If it is supposed to improve his life, then maybe it should be something I am willing to adopt myself.
By removing the anxiety for change, I am accepting what is and who is as they are. I move from threatening others to working on myself. If I do a good job, the results may interest others.
D
Pete shares Joe's concerns. He gets very angry when they discuss it. He can not afford to move and he fears neighborhood decay.
Joe and Pete both approve of Betty. She is considered a quiet woman, but seems neat in her habits - her yard is always picked up. When asked, she simply says she respects her responsibility to her neighbors and her space.
Joe tries to make the others on the street see the problem by setting an example. He has neat locations for his garbage receptacles, his outdoor chairs and the few tools he uses in his tiny garden. He always puts things away when he is done and sweeps the sidewalk in front of his house regularly. He is trying to show the neighbors by example how doable it is to maintain a standard of appearance. He does this often.
Pete is more outgoing. He exhorts neighbors to pick up when done. He will take toys from the sidewalk and place them in the yards of the owners. When he joins conversations around the neighborhood, the talk will almost certainly gravitate back to that of neighborhood decay. He feels he is leading the fight against it.
People like Joe, but they think he worries too much. They notice his concern by things like the almost compulsive way he dramatically picks up his chair and puts it away as soon as he stands up. Nonverbals say loudly for him what he refrains from sharing outright. He seems to think they must take responsibility for calming his anxieties.
Pete stirs up fear and anxiety in his wake. People interpret his behavior as aggression, his efforts to clean up another's property as controlling and intrusive. Resentment is a common emotion expressed when people talk about Pete: the feeling is that he is intent on organizing the world according to his beliefs without caring about theirs.
The locals like Betty. Even the sloppiest amongst them like the appearance of her yard. She is referred to as "a nice, neat lady" and "quiet but friendly." People see what she does and they associate it with the attitudes induced by her nonthreatening manners. She seems to be calmly happy with the way the world is, a trait many would like to share.
Betty walks the talk rather than preaching it. She believes in her way, but she understands that others have different priorities and beliefs. Her mannerisms and action proclaim her serenity.
People may resist change when it is thrust at them, but they may also seek it when they perceive rewards.
As with Joe's subtle cues or Pete's overt intrusion, anxiety can be felt when change seems to be forced on someone. If I feel there is a message I want another to hear, I may close his ears by needing him to hear it. If the message is so important, it may be best for me to model it. If it is supposed to improve his life, then maybe it should be something I am willing to adopt myself.
By removing the anxiety for change, I am accepting what is and who is as they are. I move from threatening others to working on myself. If I do a good job, the results may interest others.
You must be the change you want to see in the world - Mahatma Gandhi
D
posted by Darrell G. King
| 9:29 AM
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