Inner Harmony: Dutiful Commitment and Spontaneous Enjoyment

The text below is in response to a post from a long discussion around the topic of being of divided mind and motivation when pursuing goals. My general thought during the thread was to look into why I would occasionally pursue self-sabotaging behaviors. Or even feel mindsets of this type. Why, for instance, would I fully support the advantages of a fitness program but then often resist executing it? Theories abound, but I am all about practicality, so I have embarked on a mission to see just how far I can bring the divided motivations into line with each other.

In practical advice, to be "my own taskmaster" is likely one of the most useful even as simply obvious as it seems. There are times when I recognize the object to a given task as a temporary laziness, a fleeting lack of energy, and I perform the task anyway because my rational mind presents a good case for the benefits. In this, I believe I am not an unusual human being. And yes, I have a bit of the perfectionist in me - a very useful observation!

It is interesting that I often give that rational, thinking mind the lead in these things, though. What I once saw as completely sensible and logical, I now question on occasion. For instance, it was once (in my far away youth) not uncommon for me to decide that today was a great day to skip work and pursue some less responsible pleasure for the day. This behavior had predictable outcomes and eventually I became more firm with my commitment to meeting my commitments...:). In doing so, however, I chose between the goal-setting rational mind and the more spontaneous motivations that it conflicted with. I lost some care-free joy in favor of a mindset toward sober duty.

Whether or not one agrees in that instance, it becomes an issue of interest when we discuss similar conflicts. Am I also making the right choice when I stick to my dieting or fitness goals, even if my day becomes tedious at times? My studies? Volunteer commitments? What about writing a paper for class when I feel like adding to my unborn novel? Do I stifle my creativity then? Discourage myself from completing the novel in pursuit of a degree meant to buy me credibility with others?

Obviously I judge these situations individually, but I often chose in favor of the obligatory commitment rather than the spontaneous impulse. So, am I living a life of responsibility and duty, or am I missing the opportunity for properly experience the joys of life?

Example: I have chosen yoga as a form of exercise and meditation because it sensibly addresses recent new goals for my workout: to support feeling good on a moment-to-moment scale rather than to support an ability to exert force against my problems. Daily comfort and energy vs. situational strength and speed. It makes sense based upon the evidence of the effects of aging and the average historical day in my life, but I often still think about exercise as a way to ensure I can deal with adversity - I feel regret at giving up my old ways. And I have plenty of times when I'd rather do something else than my workout. Interesting that I can be so divided even when I give something extensive consideration and feel when asked that I made an absolutely correct decision.

I think one of the reasons I've enjoyed reading about Buddhist psychology over the past few months is that it drew what was for me a very eye-opening line between transient sensual pleasure and true lasting contentment or happiness. In doing so, it addressed some of the conflicts helpfully. I'm trying to expand upon that now by using self-hypnosis and by choosing which thoughts to spend time with as ways of influencing my divided motivations to combine in support of considered goals. I'm also collecting references from these discussions to look into. I think I have made progress on a very slippery journey.

My highest goal for the discussion on pursing goals(!) is to be comfortable at any given moment with my present activity and with my ongoing progress toward goals as well. Inner harmony. Or, in other words, to truly enjoy living in a healthy way. Some of it is likely to be prioritization, some of it responsible discipline, but I also have the feeling that there is something gentler and more relaxed that I am missing.

I have a nagging feeling it shouldn't be such a chore to do the right thing every time!

I'll bring the results here if I have anything worth writing about!

D